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it has been two or three years since my last alcohol induced mental breakdown so I was long overdue for one when we bought a hotel room two weekends ago for one of my best friends' 24th birthday party. my brother told me I ended up a crying mess on the bathroom floor (which I remember up to a point) talking about how much I wanted to die in between spells of throwing up, which I genuinely do not recall. I ended up sleeping on the hotel room floor and woke up feeling terrible, so I think that was genuinely the first time I was hungover.

it seems to be outside my range of articulation to actually talk about my emotional problems unless I am drunk at which point everything seems to spill over at once. It isn't healthy for me to repress things and you'd think I'd come to terms with that at my age but a part of me just refuses to ever discuss my issues with anyone, and even when I do, not the full extent that I should. I guess it's still just a learning process.

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wardofregret

July 2016

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